Behind The Main Question

     I was not born in a christian household. Growing up, there were no conversations about higher powers, or things we cannot see. The occasional Easter or Christmas service with my close friend, and a brief period after a family member was in rehab were the only times I had ever been in church. I was 15 the first time I heard a portion of the story told about Jesus. A man born of flesh, said to be God, who lived here on the earth over 2000 years ago, who chose willingly to die for my wrongdoings. This sparked my interest in a way I'd never expected, and began for me a journey I feel a lot of people can relate to.

     I began this journey enthralled by the story of Jesus. To satiate my curiosity, I did what any sensible kid in a small town would do, I joined youth group, attended sunday church, and went to youth camps. This journey naturally began to dictate the idea of my future. I ended up getting tangled in a christian seminary school, absolutely convinced that I would one day become a pastor of a church. Boy was I wrong. 

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     I will spare the bloody details, but the school ended up being a full-blown cult. Yes, you read that right. I was in a cult for three years. The school ended up shutting down after the director did some diabolical things. I won't go into detail, but you can insert any old church scandal you've heard of. 

     After the school shut down, I went home. I was faced with reality. Back to the broken home I grew up in. I had nothing else to do but to begin sorting through the three years I felt I had wasted. In my many times of contemplation, I began to convince myself that the years were not wasted. Amongst the warped interpretations of various scriptures they were teaching us, I was also learning and studying on my own. I was reading for myself, as I often would strive to do.

 

     In the years following the school's closure, I began picking apart the things I had learned from people, and reinforcing the things I learned from the text. Sorting through the manipulation, I hyper-fixated on what the scriptures actually said. Inside of this process, I realized some crucial truths about both the church, and every pastor that dares stand on a pulpit. The church is made up of people. Then pastors, the big leaders who are often of times glorified and unapproachable, they are just people too. There is nothing holy about the institutionalized, business-driven, "house of God". When this realization hit me, my eyes began opening to many things I used to write off as the "lies of the enemy", when in reality I was blinded. 

     I was talking with my close friend, who is still very involved in his local church. He was asking me questions, very patiently and attentively I might add, being one of the most genuine people I know. I was telling him that I would not outright get rid of the church structure as it is. As it stands, I believe that it brings more hope than despair. Trust me, it is difficult to say seeing the things that I've seen being a part of many crooked environments. Despite the consistent failures within church leadership and the current structure of the 21st century church, people still look to church as a beacon of hope, and for many a last hope. Why though, if so many bad things have happened within? Is it so ingrained in our society? Our culture?

     I venture to say it is because the core values, principals, and themes of the Bible surpass any and all of our human attempts at attaining hope in this life. Hope, I say. Not an emotion, but a thought. It is the thought that transforms us. The thought alone can bring us lasting change, for better or worse. Emotions last but a moment, but hope is the lifeblood to surpass even the worst situations in life. When hope is lost, the light dims, and we are left in the empty thoughtless void of "what's the point." 

     Many religions inspire hope. The Bible I find to be interesting in this regard. In many other religions and beliefs, hope is given as a reward for some sort of practice. The God of the Bible is the only god that gives hope outside of practice, rather regardless of it, and hope lies within the mere acceptance of it. Why then, does Jesus say that narrow is the path to life, and wide is the path to destruction. In part this makes sense, as a direct correlation to the common belief set of the many other religions and beliefs. In whole, it is because we do not want to give up the value we have set on our lives in this world. Many other religions and beliefs do not rely on this. It is the God of the Bible who says you must lose your life to find it, and whoever holds on to their life will lose it. 

    If we think on these words, we realize that there can be no such hope in this life. Nothing is guaranteed. This single truth puts nearly every church sermon about it to shame. Promises of riches. Promises of God working things out in this life for our benefit. Believing in the pleasantry of these words is the very thing that wrecks lives when things go wrong. Jesus said alternatively, that whoever builds their home on the rocks will not be flushed away with the waves.

 

     Maybe, just maybe, I held onto my faith and hope as a direct result of believing in the sole words of Jesus, as my grandfather slipped into his cancerous death. Maybe, just maybe, I remained a believer in the God of the Bible, and remained able to attribute my life's crumbling to the leadership of men, as the people I trusted most until that point had betrayed me and so many others I cared about. I thank God every day that His words were stuck to my thoughts. They have saved my very life. 

     Amongst so much misinformation, amongst so many lies and twisting of the truth, here I stand. Believing myself a holder and bearer of hope. It is this very hope that drives my desperate plea to any and all who might hear it. Ask your question. Ask about the bloodied and broken life we are forced to adhere to. Ask about this so-called righteous and holy God. Ask about it all.

     I do not claim to have the answers, but for a few of you, I do claim to know the pain of this life. I do claim to know the pain of a church's manipulation, a leader's lie, a broken family's struggle, a loved one's death, and an unfair set of cards you feel you've been dealt. Maybe I can help. It's the only real hope I have in this life. 

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     That's what this is all about. We hope you find a measure of trust here to ask a question of your own, and to hear what we have to say. So please, ask your question.

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     Thank you for hearing my story, please feel free to share yours. I promise you we are in this thing together, and this will always be a safe place for anyone who has need of it.